Moments
by rd1023
Summary: Severus Snape begins his post as Potions Master, but he has a secret. He cant let go of the past. A series of one-shots describing Severus and Lily's relationship during their time at Hogwarts. Cannon-based but with my take of things. Rating might change during the later chapters.


_**A/n: This story marks my return to writing. I wanted to try something new and I hope everyone likes it. I am not sure how far I want to take this story yet but I will update more information on my profile page as it progresses. As always don't forget to review! **_

**Prologue- His secret. **

Severus Snape was walking alongside Dumbledore. It was a cool late summer day, colder than it normally was. The sun was rapidly setting, leaving the sky blood-red.

"I assume you have settled in quite well?" Dumbledore asked.

"Hogwarts is exactly as I remember it," Snape replied.

He had honestly missed Hogwarts. He had not walked these grounds so freely since his school days – not that he would admit it to Dumbledore. He kept the same impassive expression throughout the conversation.

Snape had been appointed Potions Master over the summer; however, it was not the post he wanted. He had always wanted the Defense Against the Dark Arts post but Dumbledore would not give it to him.

Dumbledore nodded knowingly at Snape's comment and walked on. He said very little before abruptly turning to Snape. "I have also chosen to make you Head of Slytherin."

Snape stopped and looked at him with an eyebrow raised. He had not expected this at all.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with amusement. "I have my reasons and you know that," he said calmly.

Snape looked around awkwardly. He had always wanted to be head of his old House.

"Thank you," he mumbled. Although it did not make up for being denied his favored post, it did help pacify him a little.

They continued walking for a while in silence until Dumbledore glanced down at his watch.

"Would you look at the time?" he asked rhetorically. "We should head back. Tomorrow is the first day of the term, and I think we both need our rest."

Snape nodded grudgingly and followed Dumbledore back to the entrance doors. The evening walk had brought back many memories, both painful and joyful. He knew that he had finally returned home.

Dumbledore stopped as they approached the large oak doors and glanced at Snape briefly.

"Since it is your first night back at Hogwarts, I do not expect you to be in bed right away."

Severus looked at him in shock. _He knew_, he thought. Somehow Dumbledore always knew.

"I don't know what you mean," he said stiffly.

"I think you do, Severus," Dumbledore replied calmly. "You are not a schoolboy anymore - I cannot enforce a curfew on you now that you are a staff member. And remember: it does not do any good to dwell on the past."

With that, Dumbledore left, leaving Snape standing alone.

_If he thinks __that __is going to stop me __he is mistaken,_ Snape thought angrily, shaking not only from the cold air.

He walked into the castle and headed immediately for the cold dungeons. As he descended into the depths of the elaborate labyrinth, his breath became visible in the frigid air.

He went straight for his living quarters. He was not done settling in but he did not care. He walked over to his closet and opened it. The stone Pensieve was still there. He breathed a sigh of relief; it had been difficult getting his hands on one and even harder to smuggle it into Hogwarts. He knew that it was not safe here. If someone found out…

He shuddered at the thought. No one would ever find out, for he knew of a place privy only to himself. Not even Dumbledore knew of its whereabouts.

He muttered a levitating charm and stepped out into the dimly lit dungeons again, the cabinet floating behind him.

It had been years since he had first explored these dark and grim passageways, yet he remembered them as if they were his second home. In a way they were: during his youth he regarded Hogwarts as his true home, the only place he belonged since it was the only place he was not called a freak everywhere he went. He glanced at his watch briefly before continuing on down the corridors.

It was almost ten o'clock now and the dungeons were silent. Soon the new term would begin, and he knew that he would not have much time to place the Pensieve in a safe place once it started. In truth, he had never wanted the Potions job. Never in a million years had he thought of returning to Hogwarts, much less to teach! If only it hadn't been for _her_.

It seemed like it always came back to her no matter the circumstances. Even now, he could remember himself in his youth, walking and exploring the many levels of these same dungeons with her.

Lily Evans was his best friend, the only person who had ever really understood him, until….

He closed his eyes as he remembered that blasted day when he made his biggest mistake. Never again, he thought bitterly, clenching his fists.

He had never forgiven himself, and he never would. She had died last October and he couldn't believe that it would be almost a whole year since that fateful night.

He forced himself to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall. Severus Snape almost never showed emotion, and he wasn't going to start now!

He wondered what Lily would make out of his rare show of emotion before that cursed day. His lips twitched upwards. _She'd probably think I was imperiused,_ he mused.

Forcefully he pushed the thought out of his mind as he turned a corner. He was so close now. Snape came across a section of bricks in the wall but they were not ordinary bricks. Half of them were scarlet red while the other half of it was green, which contrasted starkly with the dull grey around.

Snape drew his wand and tapped the complex pattern on the wall that he remembered from his school days. _Will it still work? _he wondered.

The bricks started to quiver and shake, and a small hole started to appear in the middle. Eventually, the bricks gave way to a door. Snape turned the handle and walked inside.

It was quite dark in the room and he drew out his wand. "Lumos," he whispered. Light flooded the area and he blinked as his eyes focused.

It was just as he remembered it, only much dustier. Once the cabinet was in the room, the door shut behind him, and he could hear the bricks re-arranging themselves back into a wall.

The room was not small, nor was it large. There were several empty bookshelves lined up against the walls, which were heavily infested with cobwebs now. There were also several chairs, two large desks, an empty cupboard, and even a small fireplace.

Snape surveyed the room and breathed a sigh of relief: no one had found out about his secret.

The room was his hideout. The only other person that knew of its existence was Lily. He had found the place whilst exploring the dungeons during his First Year.

He remembered the countless hours he spent down here with her, studying, relaxing, and talking.

A small tear made its way down his cheek. Normally Snape did not show much emotion except for when he thought of her. Even after all that had happened, even after Lily broke off contact with him, she had not betrayed their spot to anyone. The thought of him filled him with longing and regret.

He sat gingerly on a large cushioned armchair. It had been her favorite chair. He ran a finger over the armrest and felt the spot where she had engraved her name with a knife.

_Lily_

She was dead, and it was his entire fault. He had failed her and he would never forget that he was the one to betray her.

Snape had known about her death but now the full weight of it hit him. She was gone and there was nothing he could do to get her back. If only he had done more to protect her, if only it had not been for blasted Potter, if only he had realized what she meant to him before it was too late, if only….

He did not care anymore and let the tears flow freely. I won't let you down again, he vowed.

Snape used his sleeve to wipe off his tears and began to clean up the secret hideout. With a few simple spells he was able to get rid of the cobwebs and dust. He also re-arranged the furniture so that the room looked like it did before. The desks were facing each other again with the chairs neatly arranged at their sides. Lastly, he dragged the cabinet containing the Pensieve to an empty space in the wall.

He looked at his handiwork and felt satisfied. The room was restored to its original state; it looked like he had never left. He half-expected Lily to come in at any moment.

He sighed sadly. Of course she wasn't going to, she was gone. With one final sweeping look, he exited the room and walked along the dimly lit corridors of the dungeons again as he headed back to his quarters.

Now retired in his bedchambers, he settled into his bed and shut his eyes. His last thought was of how despite their differences Lily had kept their room a secret to everyone. With that revelation, he shut his eyes and drifted into an uneasy sleep….


End file.
